DRUG FREE ME

OK. Big breath. So. I have begun halving my medication....hoping to be off it by next Friday. Am I nervous? Absolutely. I honestly have begun to believe that I can't do it on my own and that the Zoloft keeps me going. But who wants to be dependent on that crap the rest of their life? What's funny? The sunshine helps. SERIOUSLY!!! I feel SUPERB when I am outside....basking. So, since it is Spring, and more sun should be showing up.....I will be attempting life free from drugs! Yay me. Importantly I need to say that after reading my cute sister-in-law's blog and how she is going to take charge of her emotions....I was quite inspired! AND a bit competitive. Come on, if she can do it-so can I! So thanks Leesh.....be prepared for phone calls since I have designated you as my "go to" when it gets rough. Hee hee. Now, on the lighter side, Patrick has only a little over a month and he is done with school! I know I have made such claims before (and so has he) but this is most definitely it! Then comes decisions....to stay, to leave, to quit, to push through....ugh. Why can't things just go how you want them too without ANY hiccups? But no matter which way it goes....Colorado has been fun. We have really enjoyed our time here as a family and I think have bonded on a whole new level. It's been quite the challenge to be dependent on just each other....but now Patrick and I are closer than ever! I really LOVE this boy. He has really put up with so much to get us through this last year. ALl the while acquiring another degree and working constantly at a crappy job. AMAZING. My boys are my constant. Caden continuously reminds me how to be compassionate and is the greatest big brother. He is always taking care of Gabriel be it changing diapers, providing toys, making him laugh when mommy can't get him to stop crying and sticking up for him when Mommy and Daddy get a little frustrated. "Be nice to my Gabe!" I guess I can post a few things about my baby as well. He is always GO GO GO. No Sleep (which is hard) but plays his hardest, smiles his hardest, and really entertains all of us continuously. He has such a sweet, non conditional personality, that it will be so much fun to be his mother as he grows. I have been TRULY blessWe'ed with the men in my life and I feel so complete. We're happy, somewhat healthy (still fighting a cold), and living (and loving) life!

FULL

I choose tis title because I feel that my life it so full that i couldn't possibly hold anymore. I would never use the word 'perfect', but if I could find a word that means about the same....it would be inserted. After a couple of rough days (FYI-sometimes meds don't work) Patrick and I had another great heart to heart and he reminded me of how wonderful we have it. I know that things could always be worse, but when you feel really down on yourself....it is hard to see it any other way! I'm sure you all know what I mean. Anyway, being with my two boys day in and day out...I really take them for granted. It's funny when you are out in public somewhere, and you think your child is going to drive you absolutely BONKERS....but the complete strangers around you gush about how GOOD your kids are. Then proceed to tell you about all the other awful children that they have been around that day. Total slap in the face to remind me that Caden's worst days are most kids' best. 'Tis true. The kid shines. He really is the most amazing little soul. I have never met another like him and he is always finding new ways to humble me. His little brother, Gabriel, is shaping up to be just like him. The boys keep me centered, grounded, and focused. My husband is my constant.....and life is "PERFECT"?. Moving out to Colorado has been one of the best experiences. It has really been wonderful being on our own, having only each other to depend on....and it has really made our relationship even stronger. Didn't think that was possible...but yup. I think that if we ended up

out here permanently, it wouldn't be so bad. Reflecting on the last five years of marriage....gives me a glimpse at what the future will hold...and I can't wait to get there. But I'll take it all in stride. Thank you to my family for being the best part of me.

So patrick and I have been working on our blubber we have put on in the last bit. I've always HATED diets...I am just so darn hungry that I can't starve myself. Figured I needed help changing my eating habits and really not the quantity. While deep into my love affair with Rachel Ray every morning, a guest of hers (Dr. Ian Smith) talked about this "Four Day Diet". Four days? RIIIIGGHHHHTT.

The more I watched, the more interested I became. The first four days are more of a cleanse. Not one of those...only drink nasty brown sludge for a week....you actually eat FOOD. Granted it is NATURAL food. Loads of fruit and veges....in their natural state. Steaming is okay....plain yogurt is available as well as a yummy cabbage soup. This regime reboots the system and cleans out all the crud your body accumulates from processed foods and unnatural sugars. YOU FEEL GREAT. I feel like I have so much energy! That was always an issue for me when it came to working out. With the kids, I'm always feeling exhausted and run-down. Always blamed it on the kiddos....but this showed me it was more because of what was in my body was slowing me down! Now I HAVE to exercise to burn off some energy! There are other eating plans and lots of recipes in this book as well as a sort of work book that helps you find your reasons for eating the way you do, what your goals are, and how to focus to get the results you want. I really think as I continue with this...I'll just be feeling better and better!

One other thing...Patrick and I, as well as Gabe and Caden, have started taking inner-eco probiotic every morning and it has really made a difference! You think you are even starting a cold and you up the dosage such a little bit and it is GONE. Plus it has really helped curb those sugar cravings by killing off the bad yeast in the intestines. I honestly thought I was just born with a sweet tooth but taking this makes sugar seem a little TOO sweet. It's great! Colorado is chalk full of healthy people and healthy living...guess it is starting to rub off!

So Patrick, Caden and I went to Disney's "The Princess ad the Frog". It was Caden's first movie in the theaters!!! I was a bit apprehensive as to how he would behave...but why should I? The kid is awesome. He decided to spend the entire movie cuddled on his daddy's lap with his hands buried in the popcorn. He was so enthralled with the film....REALLY enjoyed it. I have always known my little Caden was a tender-heart from the beginning, but he reminded me how empathetic he can be while we were there. Near the end of the film, Ray (my FAVORITE character) ends up dying and taking his place next to his Evangeline. Caden, with big eyes looks at me and asks," are they all so sad, Mom?" Of course I had to answer him, "yes," since all the characters were clearly upset....so he then says, " I don't WANT them to be..." and proceeded to burst into some of the BIGGEST tears I have EVER seen. After Ray is seen in the sky next to Evangeline...I told him, "See? Now Ray is happy because he is with the one he loves." Caden then gives me a big hug and says, " I love you, mom. So I'M happy." What the? I'm never letting this kid go. He's mine, ladies, so BACK OFF!!!! It was a great experience but now Caden asks everyday to see "The Princess and the Frog". I think Patrick is going to take him again tomorrow. Anyway, after enjoying that little episode, it made me think how I need to remember the little things and not worry so much over things that I can't control. I have everything I need and everyone. Makes me feel so blessed.

deer santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa


Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Santa


Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the craps and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa


Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making oys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give
them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the butts of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa


Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
your house.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa



Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your butt
kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

Who says kids keep you young?

So really, whoever said that kids keep you young did not have a three year old who likes to take away ten years from your life! We are planning on going to Zoo Lights in Denver this evening, so I informed Caden that he needs to hurry to his room and take a nap so we can go. All was going well....I was able to feed Gabriel and rock him to sleep, clean up the kitchen, fold laundry, and read a blog or two. I thought I should probably check in on little Caden, juuuuust to make sure he was asleep and all covered over. Color me SHOCKED when I find his bed empty. I figured he was hiding somewhere and so I better find him and drag his cute little butt back into bed. So I start looking. And looking. And LOOKING. I checked all his usual places...and some really obscure ones. HE WAS NOWHERE. I started to PANIC. I kept calling his name over and over....I threatened, pleaded, BRIBED. NOTHING. I checked the front door again but it was still locked so the kid HAD to be somewhere in the house. SOMEWHERE!?! I was just seconds away from enlisting help from the National Guard when I heard a sneeze. AhHAH! I ran into his room and was very quiet. I heard rustling and a small giggle. That little trouble maker had climbed into his laundry basket and buried himself with his clothes. Not joking. I couldn't see one little part of him. I didn't know whether I should laugh hysterically or strangle him! Anyway, all is calm. He's asleep and I thought I would share "Gray Hair Moment #32"...

Christmas Memories

So, Caden was very excited to see Santa....REALLY wants a helicopter (which he's getting) and just HAD to tell Santa so he could get it. He has been waiting for DAYS to see the fat man...we waited in line for over an HOUR....we get up to him and he says "hello" and not very warmly, I tell you. That's it. I had to do all the talking, all the asking...and then trying to get a photo was ridiculous! Caden, needless to say, didn't really warm up to the grump and so kept his eyes down the whole time.....even Gabriel seems like he wants to leap out of Santa's arms!!!!! Ahhh, memories!!!