deer santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa


Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Santa


Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the craps and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa


Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making oys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give
them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the butts of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa


Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
your house.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa



Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your butt
kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

Who says kids keep you young?

So really, whoever said that kids keep you young did not have a three year old who likes to take away ten years from your life! We are planning on going to Zoo Lights in Denver this evening, so I informed Caden that he needs to hurry to his room and take a nap so we can go. All was going well....I was able to feed Gabriel and rock him to sleep, clean up the kitchen, fold laundry, and read a blog or two. I thought I should probably check in on little Caden, juuuuust to make sure he was asleep and all covered over. Color me SHOCKED when I find his bed empty. I figured he was hiding somewhere and so I better find him and drag his cute little butt back into bed. So I start looking. And looking. And LOOKING. I checked all his usual places...and some really obscure ones. HE WAS NOWHERE. I started to PANIC. I kept calling his name over and over....I threatened, pleaded, BRIBED. NOTHING. I checked the front door again but it was still locked so the kid HAD to be somewhere in the house. SOMEWHERE!?! I was just seconds away from enlisting help from the National Guard when I heard a sneeze. AhHAH! I ran into his room and was very quiet. I heard rustling and a small giggle. That little trouble maker had climbed into his laundry basket and buried himself with his clothes. Not joking. I couldn't see one little part of him. I didn't know whether I should laugh hysterically or strangle him! Anyway, all is calm. He's asleep and I thought I would share "Gray Hair Moment #32"...

Christmas Memories

So, Caden was very excited to see Santa....REALLY wants a helicopter (which he's getting) and just HAD to tell Santa so he could get it. He has been waiting for DAYS to see the fat man...we waited in line for over an HOUR....we get up to him and he says "hello" and not very warmly, I tell you. That's it. I had to do all the talking, all the asking...and then trying to get a photo was ridiculous! Caden, needless to say, didn't really warm up to the grump and so kept his eyes down the whole time.....even Gabriel seems like he wants to leap out of Santa's arms!!!!! Ahhh, memories!!!