OK. Big breath. So. I have begun halving my medication....hoping to be off it by next Friday. Am I nervous? Absolutely. I honestly have begun to believe that I can't do it on my own and that the Zoloft keeps me going. But who wants to be dependent on that crap the rest of their life? What's funny? The sunshine helps. SERIOUSLY!!! I feel SUPERB when I am outside....basking. So, since it is Spring, and more sun should be showing up.....I will be attempting life free from drugs! Yay me. Importantly I need to say that after reading my cute sister-in-law's blog and how she is going to take charge of her emotions....I was quite inspired! AND a bit competitive. Come on, if she can do it-so can I! So thanks Leesh.....be prepared for phone calls since I have designated you as my "go to" when it gets rough. Hee hee. Now, on the lighter side, Patrick has only a little over a month and he is done with school! I know I have made such claims before (and so has he) but this is most definitely it! Then comes decisions....to stay, to leave, to quit, to push through....ugh. Why can't things just go how you want them too without ANY hiccups? But no matter which way it goes....Colorado has been fun. We have really enjoyed our time here as a family and I think have bonded on a whole new level. It's been quite the challenge to be dependent on just each other....but now Patrick and I are closer than ever! I really LOVE this boy. He has really put up with so much to get us through this last year. ALl the while acquiring another degree and working constantly at a crappy job. AMAZING. My boys are my constant. Caden continuously reminds me how to be compassionate and is the greatest big brother. He is always taking care of Gabriel be it changing diapers, providing toys, making him laugh when mommy can't get him to stop crying and sticking up for him when Mommy and Daddy get a little frustrated. "Be nice to my Gabe!" I guess I can post a few things about my baby as well. He is always GO GO GO. No Sleep (which is hard) but plays his hardest, smiles his hardest, and really entertains all of us continuously. He has such a sweet, non conditional personality, that it will be so much fun to be his mother as he grows. I have been TRULY blessWe'ed with the men in my life and I feel so complete. We're happy, somewhat healthy (still fighting a cold), and living (and loving) life!
Thanks for making me cry! Good post Becky. You can call me anytime you want. You know I can sympathize. Here's a couple of thoughts I want to put in your head. You know your up and down emotions isn't in your head. I truly believe it's a chemical imbalance in your body that's messed up. That's why the meds help. Try to go off the meds if you think you are ready, but if you aren't, don't do it yet.There is absolutely no harm in staying on them until you feel stable. You've had a lot going on in your life that can "trigger" emotional rollercoasters: Brittney, Pat working and being in school, moving back to Utah this summer without Pat being there to help you. This is your battle. You know yourself. You know how you are feeling. I encourage and support you to get off the meds if you think the timing is right and you can handle it. But know that being on the meds is taking control of your emotions right now. It is helping you see more clearly. It's helping you function and have a normal life. I truly believe just because you are on meds, doesn't mean you don't have control. You are amazing. Think about your decision and the reasons why you are making them. Just because you had a goal to be off at a certain point doesn't mean you are ready. Be ready to take the challenge, and if you are truly ready by Friday, we will all support, encourage, and be a shoulder to cry on.
ReplyDeleteWay to go Beck!!! I too am now officially off all medication. It was HARD. Whatever you do, don't cut cold turkey. There were days when I wanted to just hit someone. I'm learning that the emotions are manageable though and that with mind and will power ANYTHING can be overcome. Getting OFF meds has been the greatest thing. I don't feel dependent on them any longer. I've been on them since I was 12 years old so it was ROUGH getting off but you can do it.
ReplyDeleteI found this spray at Dave's Natural Food Store that is called "Positive". If you want I can pick you up some and mail it to you. You just spray 4-5 sprays in your mouth 2x daily and it's all natural herbs that help with being positive. I carry mine in my purse and have it with me at all times because it's so helpful.
I agree with you on the fact that Alicia is a super role model and strength to those around her.
Props to ya girl. I'm awful proud of you and like Alicia will be here if you need to vent. I've found that blogging is the perfect place to vent as well. It helps you see things clearly when you write them down. You'll be in my prayers.
Aud
Ya, just like she said.
ReplyDelete